SAD, coronavirus and world changers

So here we are.....this is that time of the year in which I invariably hit a wall. I can not remember a January/February over the last few years in which I wasn't dragged into some depth of depression. I thought this year would be worse than ever, after not having my usual portion of proper summer last year. But against all expectations, things were going really well, better than usual. One should never speak too soon, though, or, as we say it in Portugal, expect the egg whilst it's still on the chicken's bum (I guess weird sayings are universal, hey....) 

It's a weird time to feel down, as I can imagine just about everyone telling me that it is such a hard time for everyone. Which, indeed, it is. But coronavirus or the resulting lockdowns were never a source of depression for me. Worry, yes, definitely. Not only for the pandemia itself, but of course, for all its possible ramifications. But not depression. I enjoy my own company and I have such a vibrant internal world, being confined wasn't an issue. Plus, it was good to relax from all the constant anxiety for a while. It was good to breathe. Being kept away from people I love is something I have learned to endure anyway. As long as I know they're there and well, I can take it. 

Actually, despite all its devastating effects, this pandemia brought for me some sort of weird hope, I thought it would shaken our society a bit. I thought people would realise so many things were not working out. I thought it would somehow expose the skeleton on which we were basing our lives and as such, show the several places in which that skeleton is fractured. Which it did. Actually, it became crystal clear for anyone to see. I thought that would lead people to do something about it, to want to change things, heal the fractures, find new solutions, rethink this thing we call life. 

Some people did. Some people saw the fragility of life and starting rethinking their priorities. Some people recognised the coronavirus crisis was exposing a social skeleton that wasn't working, that was based on keeping out of sight all its many faults. Some people are still sitting down and silently wondering what we can all do to change that same skeleton. But what many people did was point their finger at coronavirus for having ruined our lives. I'm not saying it didn't and that people shouldn't be shaken by it. What I just don't get is how so many people are ignoring all that coronavirus is exposing and not taking this as an opportunity to renew ourselves as a society. Of making it more environmental friendly. Less rushed. Not so full of things. Not so full of doing and showing off. More focused on being. With a lot more space for being real. 

As months go by, I am realising what deep down I feared from the beginning, that there will be no awareness. That as soon as it's humanly possible, people will go back to what was familiar. What felt safe. Consuming. Rushing. Doing. A life we can measure. A place where you either fit in or you don't. Controlled, contained, reasonable. I fear that as soon as it's possible, we will go back to hiding our cracks underneath beautiful carpets and expensive paintings. We will cease questioning and just take old formats as a given. I fear.....

It's not usually like me to sound this negative or to feel this stripped of hope. Which is why, for the sake of all the beautiful people I can still see out there rethinking life, rethinking was what taken for granted, rethinking how we can create a space that is fair and real and more inclusive for all, I need to end in a brighter note. Here and there, spread all around, I can see the people who are still, step by step, changing the world. The ones that don't give up. The ones that dare looking at things straight in the eye. The ones who are trying to do the good fight. The ones who dare to be real and stand tall and strong amongst all the faking. I watch and I learn and I hope one day I can get anywhere close to that degree of honesty. If you're there, thinking all the effort is just not worth it, I want to tell you it is. You're the ones quietly at the back. Working n the background of things. Not going against things just by the sake of being against them, but really working on every step. I can see you, I can hear you and I can feel you. Keep on going, the world needs more people like that.