I could never understand people getting 'tired' of supporting their closed ones emotionally. Some people act like knights in shiny armour when they first meet someone who looks like they could use a friendly shoulder. They offer the sky. They go above and beyond. And then as time goes by and they realise that their presence, alone, though helpful, doesn't make the other person magically solve their problems, they get a bit bored of the whole thing. I guess it might not be as ego fulfilling, being THE one that provides a solution is such an attractive idea.
But truth is, most deeply ingrained issues take years to see a way forward from. Sometimes decades. Sometimes they'll always be there, even though people learned to deal with them better. Our role, as friends, closed ones, partners, parents, whatever, is not to 'make them go away'. We're not Gods. It's also not up to us to decide how long it takes that person to overcome something. It's not up to us to decide how often they need to be reassured of something. Our role is not to assess whether the person keeps repeating the same complains or falling onto the same problems. Listen to yourself......we all repeat the same complaints.
So if you feel your support might have an end by date... If you feel you can only deal with the same deep issues for a couple of months, or years....then maybe don't offer the sky to start with. Tune yourself down and offer what you can really give. Most of us need people we know we can realistically count on. People who will listen to us over and over often about the same old issues. People who won't mind repeating the same reassuring sentences for the rest of our lives if needed be. Nobody needs quick fixes and too much too soon and then nothing afterwards. If you promise someone your support and your listening ear, make sure your intentions are real. Make sure you're not only doing it to make yourself feel better and then lose interest soon after.
But if I ever told you you can count on me to always listen and never judge....trust me to be here. I might not be at my best every single day, there might be days in which I am feeling too drained myself to physically go somewhere and meet you in person. But I'm here. I will listen. And I am here for the long run. And even if sometimes I might say things that sound like I'm challenging you, it's usually just my way of playing the devils advocate. At the end of the day, unless you're actually conscientiously hurting people for your own enjoyment, it's really really unlikely I will ever judge you. I won't expect anyone to be perfect and I will probably respect more anyone who admits to their own imperfections. I'm all too aware of my own. You can count on me.....
Comments
Post a Comment