Wednesday, December 02, 2009

A body of butterflies

-The problem is....well...the butterflies, you see?
-Butterflies? - she asked.
-Yes, in my stomach

-Why don´t you let them out?
-Excuse me?
-Yes, the butterflies. Why don´t you let them out?
-I tried to. They seem to like it in here, though.

-What about flowers?
-If you surround yourself with flowers, maybe the butterflies will want to be around you, instead of inside you........... Just don´t eat them!
-The flowers.

-If you grow flowers in your stomach, the butterflies will never leave it.
-I don´t think one could, anyway.
-So...where could one grow flowers?
-Inside one´s body, you mean?
He paused and said: - Inside their veins, I suppose.

-Probably also in their hearts, I should think.
-And....would it be really terrible to have butterflies in your heart?
-I don´t think so. Actually...that could even be enjoyable!

-So, what´s the plan then?
-First you have to grow flowers all around you. Then, wait for some seeds to fall into your veins. When there are enough flowers in either your veins and your heart, the butterflies will leave your stomach.

Mara C.

:) wellcome to my room of wonders. If you´re new here, I would appreciate you would read my two first posts.

Some more bad things about me

8) The need to feel special. Ok, we all have that in a way or another...but is ...I don´t know, silly. I am addicted to people telling me 'oh, you´re a special person'. Of course people who are close to us are special and unique for us.... The thing is that sometimes I find myself believing that´s an absolute truth, instead of a relative one....

9) Goes with the previous one......I can be so arrogant sometimes. I think to myself I have this big insight not everyone has, and that I am so cool because my priorities are so peculiar, and because I have this constant need to create, and that although I am afraid of most things, I am also brave, because I tried facing a lot of them....and therefore I end up feeling superior ot some people. I know, it´s really stupid...and I actually hate it when I see it in other people, but it happens to me a lot. I must slap myself in the face (not literally) and remind myself how obnoxious I am being!

10) I hate confrotantion and run away from it as the devil from the cross. Not saying it is good to be confrontational. But it´s not good to be unable to deal with it. If I really have to, I will, but probaly I will end up all shaky and tearful. In general, I always try to avoid it though, at least with most people.

11) Need to please. I love to be liked. I will not try to be someone I am not in order to please. BUT...I will try to get to people´s heart, so that they can not 'not like me'. Meaning, I will understand their way of seing things, and find a way to make them sympathize with mine.

12) My tendency to feel rejected. I often take things personaly, even if I don´t necessarily show it. It´s childish, and I am able to think rationally about it....but I am unable to avoid the feeling.

13) Bad temper. And guess who suffers the most with boyfriend. I am not a usually bad tempered person, it´s not that. But I do tend to do that very stupid thing, when something doesn´t go wrong, internally I search for someone ot blame, and that someone must be my partner. Getting better at understanding what I am doing though....

14) The fact that I am inteligent enough to often find excuses for myself.

15) The fact that no matter how many excuses I find, I am my worst critic and not always very toleran t about my failures. And that doesn´t help, because the more I criticize myself, the less I am able to do for myself.

16) Think too much about death. Well, it´s true. Every since I was a child I was midly obcessed with the idea of 'do we really end when we die? or is there an after death life?'. I am not wondering about my days in paradise, nowadays, but I am always too concious that life will end, for each one of us, and I often wonder if there is another sort of stage, of existence, after that happens. It´s not always a bad thing to be aware of life´s finitude....but sometimes it just makes things overdramatic.