Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Some more bad things about me

8) The need to feel special. Ok, we all have that in a way or another...but is ...I don´t know, silly. I am addicted to people telling me 'oh, you´re a special person'. Of course people who are close to us are special and unique for us.... The thing is that sometimes I find myself believing that´s an absolute truth, instead of a relative one....

9) Goes with the previous one......I can be so arrogant sometimes. I think to myself I have this big insight not everyone has, and that I am so cool because my priorities are so peculiar, and because I have this constant need to create, and that although I am afraid of most things, I am also brave, because I tried facing a lot of them....and therefore I end up feeling superior ot some people. I know, it´s really stupid...and I actually hate it when I see it in other people, but it happens to me a lot. I must slap myself in the face (not literally) and remind myself how obnoxious I am being!

10) I hate confrotantion and run away from it as the devil from the cross. Not saying it is good to be confrontational. But it´s not good to be unable to deal with it. If I really have to, I will, but probaly I will end up all shaky and tearful. In general, I always try to avoid it though, at least with most people.

11) Need to please. I love to be liked. I will not try to be someone I am not in order to please. BUT...I will try to get to people´s heart, so that they can not 'not like me'. Meaning, I will understand their way of seing things, and find a way to make them sympathize with mine.

12) My tendency to feel rejected. I often take things personaly, even if I don´t necessarily show it. It´s childish, and I am able to think rationally about it....but I am unable to avoid the feeling.

13) Bad temper. And guess who suffers the most with boyfriend. I am not a usually bad tempered person, it´s not that. But I do tend to do that very stupid thing, when something doesn´t go wrong, internally I search for someone ot blame, and that someone must be my partner. Getting better at understanding what I am doing though....

14) The fact that I am inteligent enough to often find excuses for myself.

15) The fact that no matter how many excuses I find, I am my worst critic and not always very toleran t about my failures. And that doesn´t help, because the more I criticize myself, the less I am able to do for myself.

16) Think too much about death. Well, it´s true. Every since I was a child I was midly obcessed with the idea of 'do we really end when we die? or is there an after death life?'. I am not wondering about my days in paradise, nowadays, but I am always too concious that life will end, for each one of us, and I often wonder if there is another sort of stage, of existence, after that happens. It´s not always a bad thing to be aware of life´s finitude....but sometimes it just makes things overdramatic.

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