Between incursions into the past and fears about the future or the potencial present it has been a curious night, full of reflexions. The certainty that remains, though, is that is the immediate present I have to concentrate in.
I have thought reflected much about matters that needed reflection upon, mainly for the sake of fairness and clearness. I can now see many mistakes of mine, but can also see so much beauty in memories that has been tainted and distorted by most recent events. There are still no answers, but my heart is calmer, because I can face things more clearly, all the good I did and everything I did wrong, all my less noble feelings.
...and that was the past.
On a whole different note there's the future or the potencial present, and regarding that I can only do what we all can do: Deal with what comes when it comes as there will be no answers written in the wind or in the tea leaves, so answers will come when answers will come.
A sentence I read today, randomly, in the internet, I have no idea who wrote it, but it resonated a lot in me:
FEARS ARE STORIES WE TELL OURSELVES.
And I realized how many different stories I've been telling myself, and how, when fear creates stories, even the characters we think we know are just that, characters, and don't even correspond to the real people we associate them with.
Fears are stories we create, and maybe, just maybe, we should try to be creative in all other sorts of ways. And I feel I need to create in order to avoid starting creating fears.
The present, and only the present, saves us from uncertainty, fears, guilt, bad energies, and a bunch of other bad stuff you can think off yourself.
...and so here we go again, half forgotten for a short (or maybe not so short) while, trying to be in the present.
All the essential has been said and found. Cease the moment, live in the present. And still, here we go, fighting the same ghosts, trying to explain the universe in words, racionalizing things, overanalizing things, talking about how important it is to live in the present but oh so often forgetting to actually try and do that.
So this is what I will try. (...that and also trying to improve myself. getting rid of fears would probably do the trick)
( I didn't mean to relate title and picture, but I will keep it as it happened spontaneously)
Another reminder aka note to self: Talk to people, be honest with them, tell them what you need to tell them. Don't hold ressentments, talk. If you can. But try to keep that in mind.