You know how they say if you believe in magic, magic happens? Well.....I think it's true. I always had problems with the flow of life. Life felt bumpy and back and forward for me, rather than flowy, and I always wanted a flowy life. But recently, I have realised there might be reasons for my lack of flow. When I started reading about undiagnosed ADHD in adult women I had a huge lightbulb moment. I won't go into it today, that is the subject of a different post. Today, I need to make a note of the magical nature of life. How, sometimes, things come your way. I was always extremely lucky with the people I found along my path. And recently, I feel I have been finding an army of kind angels who somehow, add to my life in ways they have no idea about. People who, out of the kindness of their hearts, decide to offer me something. Some things are big, some things are apparently small. But all of them have been making such a huge difference. So this post is an ode to the angels. It...
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All my life I have searched for magic. The older I get, the more I find magic in little things, everyday reachable little things. Today I went to Swansea, to the fabulous Elysium gallery, after dropping my child at the equally fabulous Volcano Theatre for a Storyopolis art session. In Elysium they had a workshop going on, run by my dear friend and brilliant artist Karen Hopkins and the also amazing artist Lucy Donald. We were painting nesting dolls. These were mine, I only got to the second one, and it's not finished yet, but I am still pretty chuffed with the result. (thank you, Karen, for the photos!) I have always wanted, for my entire life, to explore visual arts more deeply. I feel so privileged, both for having deep ongoing passions for things and for having the opportunity to finally explore them. This school year will be a year of exploring visual arts more deeply. I will start to connect photography with other mediums, like charcoal and paints. I have enrolled...
One thing I feel proud of is that I do not pretend to be someone I'm not. Relationships are only truthful if we're brave enough to be ourselves. I walk away if I need to preserve my integrity, but I don't run away so that I can avoid seeing who I am. The difference is massive. Nobody shines brighter by dimming anyone's light. Like water, life must flow. And like water, life can shine so brightly.
Recently two things happened. The first one was that I turned 50. And it felt amazing. It was a week ago, and I'm still feeling amazing. I can't say exactly why. I'm not one for milestones as such. But it just felt good. It felt good to have arrived here. It feels good to be here. I feel happy. Happy from the inside out. In general, in myself. Even when life is not perfect, I have learned to love myself. At last finally.. It's been a slow process and the last 10 years have been particularly relevant to that. In consequence, reaching 50 felt right. I feel not as if I have reached some sort of Autumn in life. From my perspective, it's barely spring. The first green leaves aren't even out yet. The other thing that happened recently is that a once close friend has disappointed me for the second time in a decade. Not a tiny disappointment. I don't sweat the small stuff. To paraphrase another friend, I'm too old for that (50 haha, get the joke?) I don't ...
Through other people's limitations, I find out how little I am willing to limit myself. I can't make myself smaller because my simple occupying of space bothers you. I can't dim my light because you constantly measure your own light through comparison and wrongly feel that you fall short. I can't walk on eggshells to prevent hurting your fragile ego. I can't keep my conversation to the atmospheric weather when there is a multitude of colours and feelings and underlayers to be discovered in the world. I can't nod yes to all the half-truths just to make people feel more comfortable in their own skin. I cannot dress in greys because you find my bright colours threatening. What I can do, is to accept you wholeheartedly, if you're brave enough to just be. I can cheer your conquers, no matter how small, no matter how big and I can marvel at the wonder of who you really are. I can share dreams and listen endlessly (as you probably know all too well I always have)...