The thing is, I want to do to do the right things for the right reasons. I don't want to be kind to someone who was/is important(?) to me only because I know that would be the ''right thing to do''. That's moralism talking in my head, and although the principles are good....I still have deeper principles speaking up inside.
If you knew me well, from all your life, would you like me to be kind to you for the kindness sake or because deep down I would feel that kindness.
How can one find the harmony of a given situation if your heart believes at the same time that different things are ''right''.
Why does moralism and ''sense of should'' drive us away from our true principles.
And dare I say it? Am I also afraid of karma, of consequences. Do I feel compeled to do good because I want my life to have a clean karma?
And am I so horrible or am I just a normal human being who is more aware of their ''darker'' side than average? I know the answer for this one.
Doing the right thing seems to be a lot more straight forward when we are young and full of false certainties.
In the lines of the horizon and my beloved sea I seek to find some balance, i try to listen to that inner voice that is supposed to know everything. But I remain human and answers are not clear.
My inner peace is not shaken and deep down, nor is the voice of my conscience. But we human beings are full of human passions and those, ah those, never made it easy to listen to inner voices.
So I remain quiet, waiting for either wizer days of better reasons.