Gypsy souls, magic dust and life beyond the big 50.

I couldn't have predicted it, even though I might have imagined the encounter many many times before. The truth is, chances of meeting her randomly, in the city we both grew up in, were actually pretty slim. We had both left the country, years before. I visited once a year, but I didn't often go to the actual city centre. As for her, I didn't even know if her family was still around that area. But still, when someone who's been in your life for 30 years suddenly cuts ties, without so much as an explanation and you come back to the very place where you spent so many hours together, year after year, you might catch yourself wondering what if. Although after over 10 years, those thoughts were starting to fade away.  I was sitting at Martinho da Arcada under the arches of Terreiro do Paco, the big plaza down by the riverside, a walk away from the two big train stations. I sat on the tables outside, enjoying the shadow on a day that was just at the border between warm and ho...

Life is crazy busy at the moment. I got myself involved in so many activities, I am having a hard time knowing if I'm coming or going. But, strangely enough, I am still enjoying it and I am not overwhelmed. Confused and all over the place? Yeah, maybe...  But not (yet, at least) overwhelmed. Which is an excellent sign for me. So what's the teaching for the week? I think believe in your path. Take one step after the other and we actually build it along the way. Drop what doesn't serve you anymore. But try not to drop things out of fear. Drop them out of a conscious decision that you know they do not serve your proposes anymore. I was so afraid to get more involved. I was so afraid it would be too much. But now the kids are a bit older more things are becoming possible. I can't do it all. Nobody can. What we can and we do is to make choices. Make your choices. And step forward. One step is better than no step. Half a step will still take you further than no step. If you t...

You know how they say if you believe in magic, magic happens?  Well.....I think it's true. I always had problems with the flow of life. Life felt bumpy and back and forward for me, rather than flowy, and I always wanted a flowy life. But recently, I have realised there might be reasons for my lack of flow. When I started reading about undiagnosed ADHD in adult women I had a huge lightbulb moment. I won't go into it today, that is the subject of a different post. Today, I need to make a note of the magical nature of life. How, sometimes, things come your way. I was always extremely lucky with the people I found along my path. And recently, I feel I have been finding an army of kind angels who somehow, add to my life in ways they have no idea about. People who, out of the kindness of their hearts, decide to offer me something. Some things are big, some things are apparently small. But all of them have been making such a huge difference. So this post is an ode to the angels. It...

All my life I have searched for magic. The older I get, the more I find magic in little things, everyday reachable little things.   Today I went to Swansea, to the fabulous Elysium gallery, after dropping my child at the equally fabulous Volcano Theatre for a Storyopolis art session. In Elysium they had a workshop going on, run by my dear friend and brilliant artist Karen Hopkins and the also amazing artist Lucy Donald. We were painting nesting dolls. These were mine, I only got to the second one, and it's not finished yet, but I am still pretty chuffed with the result.  (thank you, Karen, for the photos!) I have always wanted, for my entire life, to explore visual arts more deeply. I feel so privileged, both for having deep ongoing passions for things and for having the opportunity to finally explore them. This school year will be a year of exploring visual arts more deeply. I will start to connect photography with other mediums, like charcoal and paints. I have enrolled...

  A cycle has ended, fresh winds, clear winds. I thank you! Peace is within reach. Always. Who would say....age does bring some wisdom (for the ones who care to learn...thankful for that too)

One thing I feel proud of is that I do not pretend to be someone I'm not.  Relationships are only truthful if we're brave enough to be ourselves. I walk away if I need to preserve my integrity, but I don't run away so that I can avoid seeing who I am. The difference is massive.  Nobody shines brighter by dimming anyone's light.  Like water, life must flow. And like water, life can shine so brightly. 

Recently two things happened.  The first one was that I turned 50. And it felt amazing. It was a week ago, and I'm still feeling amazing. I can't say exactly why. I'm not one for milestones as such. But it just felt good. It felt good to have arrived here. It feels good to be here. I feel happy. Happy from the inside out. In general, in myself. Even when life is not perfect, I have learned to love myself. At last finally.. It's been a slow process and the last 10 years have been particularly relevant to that. In consequence, reaching 50 felt right. I feel not as if I have reached some sort of Autumn in life. From my perspective, it's barely spring. The first green leaves aren't even out yet.  The other thing that happened recently is that a once close friend has disappointed me for the second time in a decade. Not a tiny disappointment. I don't sweat the small stuff. To paraphrase another friend, I'm too old for that (50 haha, get the joke?) I don't ...

Through other people's limitations, I find out how little I am willing to limit myself. I can't make myself smaller because my simple occupying of space bothers you. I can't dim my light because you constantly measure your own light through comparison and wrongly feel that you fall short. I can't walk on eggshells to prevent hurting your fragile ego. I can't keep my conversation to the atmospheric weather when there is a multitude of colours and feelings and underlayers to be discovered in the world.  I can't nod yes to all the half-truths just to make people feel more comfortable in their own skin. I cannot dress in greys because you find my bright colours threatening.  What I can do, is to accept you wholeheartedly, if you're brave enough to just be. I can cheer your conquers, no matter how small, no matter how big and I can marvel at the wonder of who you really are. I can share dreams and listen endlessly (as you probably know all too well I always have)...

Creative writing - Prompt: suspense/horror This story happened back in the '80s. It was the days before the internet and mobile phones. It all happened in the summer I turned 13. Summer holidays were about to start and I couldn't wait to have 3 full months of doing nothing but reading books and comics, going to the beach with my neighbourhood friends, eating ice creams, and watching weekly episodes of my favourite series. Which is why I wasn't particularly happy when my parents announced they would both be away for the whole month of July. They both had work opportunities they couldn't refuse that would take them abroad for a whole month and the only person available to take care of me was my father's sister, Aunt Vera.  My mum called Aunt Vera 'the gloomy one'. She lived in a big house in Sintra all by herself and according to my mum's words, she simply didn't like people. She was a writer which meant she could mainly work from home, but nobody in t...

Creative writing - Prompt - sci fi (I went with dystopian instead) First chapter: Maria parked the car and took a deep breath. She looked at Telma. Telma was looking ahead, tense. Maria could see the huge effort she was making to stop fidgeting and look composed. Controlled. Neutral.  'Are you ready?' Telma sighed 'Yeah, I think so.' 'It will be ok Telma. We just need to give all the right answers, remember?' 'I know, mum.' They walked side by side across the hospital car park until they reached the main building. Inside, Maria scanned Telma's chip. The machine's answer was nearly immediate: 'Welcome to Cardiff's Central Health Reset Unit. Please take an interactive map to find your health restorer consultant. Once you reach your destination press the button twice to be allowed into the room.' Maria looked around. People were moving around in an orderly manner, some scanning the chip in their writs to access their health files, others...

Creative writing - Prompt - Nature writing In recent years, I have often seen mentioned that the constant need to photograph everything with a view of either keeping every single memory or sharing it with our closer or broader circles through social media, is reducing our ability to be in the moment. As a photographer, I always feel a bit divided by this statement. I mean.....it's true. We see it every day, don't we? People detached from their own lives, living them through mobile phones or tablets. And yet, it feels different when I use my camera. I feel like my camera connects me to the moments and places I'm experiencing. My camera is the vehicle of my art, so for me, seeing the world through my viewfinder feels like a way of processing my reality rather than avoiding it.  I never gave the subject a second thought until recently I was introduced to the concept of Mindful Photography.  Mindfulness is a word we see everywhere these days. From retreats to meditation classes...

Tonight, I am in need of a friend like myself. Who will listen without judgment or expectations.  A friend who can take my troubles without the need to be the saviour that stipes me off them.  A friend who is interested enough to ask questions and who's bold enough to take the answers.  Tonight, I could use a friend like myself. Who doesn't measure me or weight in my reasons or flinch at the oddness of my inner labyrinths. Who doesn't get tired of my depth. Who doesn't need anything from me but my presence. Who takes me as I am and reminds me of what I do good, when all I can think of is my countless mistakes. A friend who will remind me where the doors are, when I keep bumping into solid rock walls.  Tonight I need a friend like myself who, on hearing about my struggles, will share theirs, to show me I am not as alone and odd as I feel. Tonight I need a friend who will make themselves vulnerable rather than meeting my holes with their perfectly cemented and impeccab...