Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Today or about everlasting fires

I did say it would be an internet-free day but then I broke the promise at breakfast and shortly after I went outside and it has happened, it happened and I could help myself. I had to write. The birds are born. I was counting the days from when we found the nest and I was praying we would have the honour to see them and they are now born, a lot earlier then I thought they would.
It's so beatiful and so promising and I feel excited though worried. I want them to survive, I want them to get stronger and come out of their nest and spread their wings in the air and fly away, free for their lifetime. I can't help seeing them as a metaphor of our changing lifes, although that's quite conceived of me to think so, but I really don't mind.
Look! Isn't it amazing, just outside out door?

I will not spend the day typing on the computer though. My heart feels so full of feelings and hopes and excitment and anxiety and ohhh everthing.....Not only because of the birds but because of everything. The sun outside, although it is cooling down again and the clouds making their way back to this parcel of sky. All the promsing time ahead. The love. This fear like a constant claw pressuing my heart, this fear of the ends, of all the ends of all the things and the everlasting fight that makes me want to live eternity in each moment and forget about the finitude because there's nothing that can be done about that.
This fire inside me, something big always about to explode, something I've felt forever and that takes me back to when I was 14, 15, 16, 17.....this strenght, this love for life that is scary, because everything can be so beautiful and so glorious. All the doors are open and I fight to watch the open doors instead of staring terrified at the moment when they will be closed. I want to see a ghost, I want to fly out of my body and then come back again and finally live intensely, loving with all my heart, each moment and let myself be, through the moments, through the feelings. And everything is so glorious I feel like crying and fear must stop and I must trust eternity, this touchtable eternity of now, while I am in this body, this life, this love.
I prepare now to live another day and thank for that day and many others to come until we are wrinkled and twisted and small, and our hearts and souls big from all the love and light and life behind us.

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